There was a time in my young life that I used to hate talk shows. I found them rather boring, and instead I would go outside with my cousin and our broken telephone cord that we'd use as a makeshift jump rope. Nostalgia trip aside, I've long since developed an interest in talk shows...to a certain extent. I blame that interest on another cousin in my family (LOL). We were just thirteen-yr-olds when we started watching trash like Jerry Springer, Maury, and Jenny Jones (who hasn't been seen or heard this past decade). Now, it's pretty much predictable (well, not all shows), and some new faces have been thrown in the mix.
First up: Maury Povich
Guy's been around for a couple of decades. His claim to fame actually started from a show he hosted called "A Current Affair," a news program that dealt with current events (pun intended?) back in the 80's. Oh, and he is also married to fellow journalist Connie Chung, formerly of CBS News. So how could a guy like Maury, given his extensive journalistic background, resort to hosting a trashy TV show? Like that classic Tootsie Pop commercial, the world may never know.
A paternity episode, save for the filler
Maury's biggest cash cow on his show are the ever-infamous paternity episodes. The formula for these segments are pretty transparent; even a two-yr-old can figure out this shit. Girl tests one guy or a number of others for paternity of her baby; guy calls girl all types of bitches, hoes, and ratchets, and denies paternity of said baby (both the girls and the guys sound like they're reading cue cards every time they bad-mouth each other); Maury brings out guy and audience boos him; girl and guy have a screaming match; Maury pulls out the results. This could end in either two ways:
If the guy is proven not to be the father of the girl's baby, she runs off stage crying and he starts dancing like he was on Soul Train or whatever. But...
If the guy is proven to be the father, then either the guy runs off stage or the girl will get up in his face and start cussing him out about paying child support.
That's pretty much Maury in a nutshell.
But he's not only infamous for the paternity shows. The lie detector episodes are just as hilarious as the paternity ones (which I've since denounced because they were predictable, at best). For instance, girl thinks guy is cheating because she found some stains on his boxers; guy denies everything and claims it was milk or powdered sugar (since when does semen taste like powdered sugar or milk?); audience boos guy; Maury shows girl a video of guy kissing "the sexy decoy"; Maury pulls out the results; guy is busted for lying by the polygraph; girl cusses out guy; Maury tells them to meet with his counselor. Yep, that's good ol' Maury for ya.
But amidst all this trashiness, Maury has sort of a protegee in the form of Trisha Goddard, a soul sister from across the pond. She already made a name for herself in her native England and has her own talk show here in the States, quite reminiscent of Maury (think of her show as more or less a spin-off). No need to elaborate on this one.
Then there's ol' Jerry Springer. The basis of the show really needs no explanation; most of his guests are comprised of rednecks/trailer trash, gays/transsexuals, or even redneck/trailer trash gays and/or trannies. Girl cheats on guy, or guy cheats on girl; other guests comes out and fights/pulls hair; mom/dad defends whichever guest; girl leaves guy or guy leaves girl. Then the audience chimes in and either makes snaps on the guests or wants to fight one of them, or some random girls flash their tits for some beads (this ain't fucking Mardi Gras, damn it!).
Another interesting bit about Jerry is that one of his former bald-headed security guards on the show hosted a few episodes, and eventually got his own talk show. That guy would be our good friend, Steve Wilkos. While he's known for the guy whose head everybody loved to rub on the Jerry Springer show, he's also the guy known for throwing chairs around and jumping down the throats of woman-beaters, rapists, and child molesters. Some people may find him to be too extreme, but so what? We need more guys like him to help eradicate the pedophiles and perverts of this country. Now I wouldn't call him trashy, but there's that whole "guilt by association" thing...
And lastly, we have another bloke who has graced American airwaves since 2011. That "bloke" I'm referring to is Jeremy Kyle, who is like an amalgamation of Jerry, Maury, and Steve with an English accent. Need I say more?
Now folks, I need to know what you think of these talk shows. You already know what to do; the comment box is waiting.
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